“They carried all they could bear, and then some, including a silent awe for the terrible power of the things they carried.” – Tim O’Brien, The Things They Carried

"I don't think you ever loved me and I have to believe that now. 'Cause otherwise I'll look for love like yours in every place around. A love that flows like blood does, that I'll search for through the years. You speak through gritted teeth, saying, my darling, I'm right here And it is not my fault, it's something I was learning I only feel at home now in a home when it is burning After gathering this knowledge, I have to face the truth. That you never loved me, but I tried

If I could travel back in time, I would think twice before opening up to people. As much as I treasure how we grew up together, I find there is a kind of intimacy in that, one that still haunts me. I don't want it to be the lens through which I see every other bond. Photo by Kiryl on Unsplash

I've just realised that I never wrote about love, my own love. I wrote plenty about you, but never about the manner in which I loved you. I know you know. I've told you that, but let me explain a bit more. Ever since I met you, I've loved teasing you, irritating you, and getting on your nerves. I thought that was the only way I could get to know you better. Every time anyone said the slightest unkind word to you, my heart would twist. I don't mean that metaphorically; it woul

"Didn't I promise you, Darling, That we'd visit Venice? So marry me there. It'll be so poetic. We'll have the whole Place to ourselves. I'll make sure. You know they say Soon it'll be underwater? So let's speed that up. No sacrifice is too great For my love. No cushion-cut diamond That's too caked in blood, No screaming people That we cannot somehow Drown out or hush up. Fly 96 jets in. I gave you a ring I'll give you all of Venice. And we'll watch it sink So it's nobody els

"For he who sins a second time Wakes a dead soul to pain, And draws it from its spotted shroud, And makes it bleed again, And makes it...

"Yet each man kills the thing he loves, By each let this be heard, Some do it with a bitter look, Some with a flattering word, The coward...

"We were soon joined by Elizabeth. Time had altered her since I last beheld her; it had endowed her with loveliness surpassing the beauty...

"But is it not a duty to the survivors that we should refrain from augmenting their unhappiness by an appearance of immoderate grief? It...

"The different accidents of life are not so changeable as the feelings of human nature. I had worked hard for nearly two years, for the...

"A human being in perfection ought always to preserve a calm and peaceful mind, and never to allow passion or a transitory desire to...

"Rising to the shallows, out of the depths from whence she swam, some foresaw it in the stars, some read it in the tarots, those that...

"And the end of it all is that I have got to forgive you. I must do so. I don’t write this letter to put bitterness into your heart, but...

"I cannot reconstruct my letter, or rewrite it. You must take it as it stands, blotted in many places with tears, in some with the signs...

I'm not well As you can tell By the way I haven't looked you in the eye And I'm about to lie And say I'm fine But inside, you and I know...

"By the terrible alchemy of egotism you converted your remorse into rage." — Oscar Wilde, De Profundis

I'll write down another conversation we will never have, except this time I don't wish we could have it. On a random Wednesday morning, I...

I still get sad seeing your pictures online, very sad. I saw both of you today, as in both of your pictures. I was sad all of a sudden,...

(I gather that you think I am somewhat ignorant or naive. You do not trust my judgment, at least not initially. It is impossible to have...

The self-soothing gestures are a bad sign. Hug me once you see them. As I move to hug the bones rattling beneath my skin, hold me tight. Say nothing. Whatever you do, say nothing, nothing at all. Squeeze my ribs. Let my rhythm of breathing synchronise itself with yours. Let me calm down as I focus on nothing but the embrace. Let my body tell you of all the pain it hid, all the misery, everything. Allow it to fall between your arms, defenceless. I want to think of nothing, ju