Sometime in 2024

I'll write down another conversation we will never have, except this time I don't wish we could have it. On a random Wednesday morning, I realized you had cut all ties. There was some irony there because I was trying to exclude you or include you as a way for me to tell you I am ok, don't worry, as if you did. I just wanted to make sure none of my words would hurt you. I had convinced myself you felt guilty, and again I was willing to take your guilt over.

Lo and behold, you cut all ties, and to an outsider that might seem futile — after all, it's nothing but hitting a button, just that — but it is so much more. You had deliberately looked at a screen, stared at my name, and decided, you know what, no, let's cut this short. Let me shoot the messenger. Let me rob her of the only way left for her to reach me.

Really? Seriously? What have I done to deserve this? It makes no sense, especially since I never reach out — never! Not unless I am so broken that I need to talk to you so you can convince me that I should keep living because, for some reason, it's worth it. I never reach out otherwise. Once, twice a year, if ever.

So what in the world was that? How could you? I've always respected your privacy. It's not like I stalk you, either. How could you? Did you even think it through? You don't have to, do you? You don't even care. Nice!

I would never do that to you. You'd be ashamed of yourself to know how much I loved you and how much that hurt! I wouldn't throw years of dear friendship that way. I used to jokingly call you idiot and never meant it. This is the most idiotic thing I've ever witnessed you do.

Now, you're truly nothing but a stranger to me. That's all it took for me to let you go, and honestly, I wish you had done it sooner, because you truly didn't deserve an ounce of the love, respect, and care I had for you.

So farewell. Farewell.